So I did it - full steam ahead - called DFS and got the application to become foster parents - and I didn't just request the paperwork, I made the appointment to meet the Foster Care Coordinator. Then I made other appointments - doctor's check ups, TB tests, foster care education classes, CPR classes, First Aid, home walk-through, fingerprints, background checks, many piles of forms. So many - too many to count.
We got the call on Thursday. I had come home from a photo shoot, ate dinner and was just waking up from a quickie nap. Murray was in the basement with his men's bible study - it starts at 7:00. It was 7:02.
"Hey Murray...it's been a while, how's that foster parent thing going?" Pastor Matt asked this question and before Murray could answer...a ring...Murray's phone.
I was on the phone with my friend Lindsey, trying to coordinate meeting up for my daughter's choir concert that evening. Murray walked into the guest room, a phone to his ear and telling me we had a call. The two conversations blurred together and I told Lindsey I needed to call her back...DFS was on the phone.
Murray said "They have 2 kids for us. One baby, one 3 year old. They're getting them now. They want to know if we can take them." I stood up looking at him in disbelief. So soon? A baby? Now? A BABY?" I thought long and hard. About 2 seconds. "Tell them ok..." Murray said ok, and hung up the phone. We looked at each other...scared. Excited. Nervous.
Murray said "We need prayer!" Lucky for us the basement was full of awesome Christian men ready and waiting to hear what our decision was. Murray announced to everyone that we would be getting our first foster children in a few minutes. He asked for prayer - every face looking at us, every face with a smile. I said out loud "We can do this!" And all heads bowed and we prayed.
I realized I wouldn't be going to the choir concert - so I texted my girls and let them know we wouldn't be coming because we were getting babies! I called Lindsey and told her we were getting babies. She came over. I called my friend Krista, a counselor, and excitedly told her "We're getting babies! We're getting babies! What do I do????" She was calm and we talked about a list of things I would need to get from the store - onesies, bottles, socks... I was unprepared. One of the guys from the bible study offered to bring a Pack-N-Play crib over. We graciously accepted.
Then we waited. And then a car came. We went outside and there they were. Little Boy (5 months old) and Little Girl (3 years old). They were beautiful. Little Girl came right in and began inspecting things. Little Boy sat on our laps. We talked with the DFS case worker. This was her first placement. It was our first placement. We nervously laughed at how new this was. Lindsey helped get snacks and held the baby - I stepped back. It was so much to take in...
My daughters eventually came home - they had gotten the texts and wanted to see these babies! They were excited and curious. I was making a mental list of everything I needed to go buy. Bible Study ended and the men came up from the basement and one by one Little Girl said hi to them. The men smiled and left quickly, allowing us to settle in. Lindsey fed Little Boy his bottle until he fell asleep.
Lindsey and her husband Shane stayed late and we all got used to these babies and their presence. Murray and I called our bosses and told them we would not be in on Friday - we had babies.
I made a quick trip to the store and bought onesies, socks, outfits, food... Excited and nervous and happy and still marveling...babies!
Little Boy slept all night. Little Girl was sad and had a hard time falling asleep. I could barely sleep, thinking about these precious babies, they kind of looked like us. They could maybe be OURS one day. I love them already...
Early the next morning we all woke up and began our day. A trip to the DFS office to start paperwork for child care. A trip to the store to buy applesauce - Little Girl's #1 food request. A trip to see my coworkers and to get the children a Developmental Screening. Many of my initial thoughts were confirmed - Little Girl delayed in speech. Little Boy - good but high muscle tone. Both were referrals for Early Intervention. Then home to find child care for Monday - calls everywhere, texts to my coworkers: "Is this daycare good? How about that one? Who do you recommend?" Finally secured child care that I was happy about. Murray went to the store (trip #3).
Friends were texting me all day - excited, happy for me, I was laughing - telling everyone our house was already filled with diapers, wipes..I was happy - my dream was real.
And then I got the call.
I answered. And the case worker said "The children will be going to their grandmother on Sunday at 10:00." I replied "Ok, so...." and he said "She will be at the DFS office on Sunday. There is paperwork for you to fill out, did Betty give that to you?"
I said "I don't know, I think so. I'm sorry....what did you just say?" My mind was blank. I couldn't believe what I had just been told.
He answered, "Sunday at 10:00."
I said thank you. And as the words sank in...I needed my husband. I tried to text him but I couldn't make my hands work. I sat on the couch, holding Little Boy and watching Little Girl and tears began to slide down my cheeks. Murray came through the door and I said "They are going to their Grandma on Sunday." Sad. Deflated. It had been 18 hours and I was already 100% in love. He looked at me with sad eyes and was quiet for a few minutes. Then he got back to the business of loving the babies.
More texts. More calls. Cancelling child care. And people said amazingly kind things.... My coworker simply said "You are a good person." I repeated that to myself over and over.
But we still had the weekend. And so we played with babies. We laughed. We played music. We ate yummy meals. We hugged. We did bubble baths and potty training. We brushed hair. We took naps. We woke up in the middle of the night for both babies - both crying - both needing to be held and kissed goodnight. My girls were amazing - they read stories, washed hands and faces, opened pudding cups and applesauce, played the keyboard, fed bottles...so so helpful and wonderful.
And Murray. He was amazing. He made Little Boy & Little Girl laugh. He changed diapers. He made bottles. He sat Baby up and played. He loved them. He was all in. And he was strong and hugged me when I cried.
Sunday morning came. And it was Daylight Savings time so we had one less hour with them. We got them dressed and packed up all of their things. We told Little Girl she was going to see Grandma - and she was happy.
We got to DFS and Grandma arrived. She was in a jogging suit and was emotional. She had never met Little Boy. And Little Girl was unsure of her. I learned she talked to Grandma by phone every day - but had not seen her in a long while. I told Grandma her grandbabies were beautiful. Murray went out to the van and installed baby seats. There was more family in the van. They had come to pick up the babies. I realized this was good. Grandma genuinely cared. She had driven from 3 states away through a snow storm to get the babies. I shared with her the results of the Developmental Screening. I told her Little Boy loved rice cereal and Little Girl loved applesauce. Murray said that God had a reason that we were in Wyoming - and told the family that while we had the babies they were loved and well cared for.
We left and went to church. We were a couple minutes late and I needed some tea. We went into the kitchen where the hot water was and a man was there who knew we had the babies. Murray told him we had just given them to their Grandmother. He said "Well, at least it was only for a couple days - not enough time to get attached." My reply was "I cried all night..." and as I began to fill my cup with hot water my hands began to shake so hard and my vision blurred. Murray said "Let me help you..." but somehow I managed to put the cup on the counter. Then I turned to Murray and fell into his arms and cried while he held me up. I was done being brave. I cried through the whole church service. I was sick with worry, sadness and grieving these two babies. But as I prayed for God to comfort me I saw on the church screen:
God's Voice
- Stills you
- Leads you
- Reassures you
- Enlightens you
- Encourages you
- Comforts you
- Convicts you
- Calms you
The following days were hard. I was sad and mourning. People were great and loved me. People were dumb and said dumb things. But as I shared my story over and over I found myself saying "It was hard...but I loved every minute of it. I can do this."
And I can.
And I will.
And I am not afraid.
This is what we were called to do.
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